Current struggle...

Hello everyone...

It has been a couple of weeks of ups and downs. The downs are realiziations about changes I MUST make in my life, and the hard thing is getting myself to begin on the tough journey of making needed changes.

I am FAT. Plain and simple, no bells and whistles, no ephipany needs, I am simply FAT. I love sports, and I am blessed to be good at most sports I take on. I played competitive tennis for 18 years of my life, volleyball for, gee, over 25 years, and I simply love sports. I know what I need to do in order to get fit, and I have the knowledge about exercise and diet, but something prevents me from just doing it.

I went to Gay Pride in Cincinnati this weekend and really did some soul searching. I came to realize that nobody will ever be interested in me romantically if I do not lose the weight. I would not ask me out. I saw my reflection simply in sunglasses and I was repulsed and mortified. Having the knowledge to fix this problem, so what am I lacking? Is it the committment? I am lazy? I do not think I am lazy, but I am just upset that I can not seem to make the necessary changes in my life to battle and win my battle with my weight. If you are a person who is fit, or naturally thin, you are lucky. It is a mental struggle for overweight people. Maybe for some silly reason we hold onto the fat for security.

If I had a genie come out of a bottle and give me one wish I am torn between three wishes. First of all, I would want to ask for enough money to make my family and close friends life easier, or allow them to use it to reach their dreams. I would also want to have the genie give me the power to become fit and lose weight for once in my life, and have it be a part of me for the rest of my life. The other wish I would have to consider is to cure HIV and AIDS. Wow, could I have a tougher choice. I already know the two tough ones would be helping my family and friends, and or cure HIV and AIDS.

I will be 44 this year in a few weeks. July 9th. I am getting so much older and each year means gettig fit will be more difficult. I dream of still being able to compete at sports at a high level, but what scares me is I really think my sports life is coming to an end and a quick one.

A good friend of mine just broke up with his boyfriend. I am really sorry for the pain he is feeling right now. I just want him to know it will get better. Just be thankful that you now know that the person you feel in love with never really existed. We all love you, and it will get better.