I go through periods where I try, that being the key word, to take a realistic, long, brutally honest look at myself. I finally have realized how much truth is packed into the statment "You have to love yourself before you can ever expect anyone else to."
The difficulty comes in being able to be honest with yourself. So honest that it hurts, but it is the only way to grow and grow in a way that you can begin to walk towards self discovery and what I call life redemption. What I mean by that for me is a way where you can correct the flaws in your life, and as important is the way you take the growth and apply it to your ongoing life.
I hate being fat and out of shape. Ironic though is the fact that I do not act upon changing it. Really making it so important to me that I must do something about it. What about my psyche wants me to hang on to this fat? Is it my security blanket? I would love to
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Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
This was an amazing man in a very short time...
Randy Pausch, 47, Dies; His ‘Last Lecture’ Inspired Many to Live With Wonder
DOUGLAS MARTIN
Published: Saturday, July 26, 2008 at 6:01 a.m.
Last Modified: Saturday, July 26, 2008 at 4:35 a.m.
Randy Pausch, the professor whose “last lecture” made him a Lou-Gehrig-like symbol of the beauty and briefness of life, died Friday at his home in Chesapeake, Va. He was 47, and had lived five months longer than the six months a doctor gave him as an upside limit last August.
Kaylin Bowers/Daily Progress, via Associated Press A crowd filled an auditorium at the University of Virginia in November to hear from Randy Pausch, a former professor there.The cause was metastasized pancreatic cancer, Carnegie Mellon University announced.
Professors are sometimes asked to give lectures on what wisdom they would impart if they knew it was their last chance. Soon after Dr. Pausch (pronounced powsh), a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon, accepted that challenge, he learned he had months to live.
He hesitated, then went ahead with the lecture, on Sept. 18, 2007. He said he intended to have fun and advised others to do the same. He spoke of the importance of childlike wonder.
But Dr. Pausch did not omit things that would break just about anybody’s heart. He spoke of his love for his wife, Jai, and had a birthday cake for her wheeled on stage. He spoke of their three young children, saying he had made his decision to speak mostly to leave them a video memory — to put himself in a metaphorical bottle that they might someday discover on a beach.
As the video of his lecture spread across the Web and was translated into many languages, Dr. Pausch also became the co-author of a best-selling book and a deeply personal friend, wise, understanding and humorous, to many he never met.
“His fate is ours, sped up,” wrote Jeffrey Zaslow, a Wall Street Journal columnist who covered the lecture on the chance it would be a good story, and helped bring it wider awareness. The book he wrote with Dr. Pausch, “The Last Lecture,” was published this year and became a No. 1 best seller; last week it was still No. 1 on The New York Times list of advice books.
Some of the millions who saw Dr. Pausch on YouTube and elsewhere wrote letters and e-mail to The Journal and many blogs. Some said he inspired them to quit feeling sorry for themselves, or to move on from divorces, or to pay more attention to their families. A woman said the video gave her the strength to escape an abusive relationship; others said they decided not to commit suicide because of it.
The effort and the effect, even before the book, have been likened to Mitch Albom’s book on lessons he learned from his dying college professor, “Tuesdays with Morrie” (1997).
Dr. Pausch said in an interview with USA Today that he had never read that book.
“I didn’t know there was a dying-professor section at the bookstore,” he said with typical sardonic wit.
Time magazine named Dr. Pausch one of the 100 most influential people in the world, and ABC declared him one of its three “persons of the year” for 2007. Oprah Winfrey promised him 10 minutes of uninterrupted speaking time, and he used it to give a condensed version of the lecture.
Randolf Frederick Pausch was born in Baltimore on Oct. 23, 1960. In his lecture, he praised his parents for letting him paint pictures on the walls of his room. Dozens of parents wrote him to say they followed this example and allowed their children to decorate in the same way.
Dr. Pausch graduated from Brown University, earned his Ph.D. in computer science from Carnegie Mellon, taught at the University of Virginia for a decade and joined Carnegie Mellon’s faculty in 1997. In addition to working in the computer science department, he had appointments in the Human-Computer Interaction Institute and the School of Design.
His passion was creating programs he called computer worlds that students could use to create games. In fact, they were learning sophisticated computer skills. His annual virtual reality contest was highly anticipated, and work on virtual reality by some of his students won them the chance to experience weightlessness on an aircraft. They then used virtual reality techniques to mimic weightlessness.
Dr. Pausch received awards from academic and industry groups. Carnegie Mellon named a footbridge between its computer science and arts building for him to commemorate his efforts to link the fields.
Carnegie Mellon had a tradition of asking professors near the ends of their careers to deliver what it called “The Last Lecture,” but the name had been changed to “Voyages” when Dr. Pausch gave his. He bet with friends that no more than 50 people would attend. There was standing room only in the 400-seat auditorium.
Using images on a giant screen, he began by showing a slide of CT scans revealing 10 tumors on his liver. He then said he never felt better, and dropped to the floor to do push-ups, some one-handed.
He showed photos of himself as a boy, then listed his youthful dreams: to win giant stuffed animals at carnivals, to walk in zero gravity, to design Disney rides, to write a World Book entry (on virtual reality). He said he had accomplished them all.
But it turned out that other aspirations remained. When the director of the new “Star Trek” film heard that Dr. Pausch was a Trekkie, he invited him to appear in a cameo role, including a spoken line. When the Pittsburgh Steelers heard he had dreamed of playing pro football, they let him participate in a practice.
This March, Dr. Pausch testified before a House committee in Washington in favor of more money for researching pancreatic cancer. He held up an 8-by-10 picture of his three children and his wife, whom he noted would soon be his widow.
Dr. Pausch is survived by his wife, the former Jai Glasgow; his sons, Dylan and Logan; his daughter, Chloe; his mother, Virginia Pausch of Columbia, Md.; and his sister, Tamara Mason of Lynchburg, Va.
Dr. Pausch gave practical advice in his lecture, avoiding spiritual and religious matters. He did, however, mention that he experienced a near-deathbed conversion: he switched and bought a Macintosh computer.
DOUGLAS MARTIN
Published: Saturday, July 26, 2008 at 6:01 a.m.
Last Modified: Saturday, July 26, 2008 at 4:35 a.m.
Randy Pausch, the professor whose “last lecture” made him a Lou-Gehrig-like symbol of the beauty and briefness of life, died Friday at his home in Chesapeake, Va. He was 47, and had lived five months longer than the six months a doctor gave him as an upside limit last August.
Kaylin Bowers/Daily Progress, via Associated Press A crowd filled an auditorium at the University of Virginia in November to hear from Randy Pausch, a former professor there.The cause was metastasized pancreatic cancer, Carnegie Mellon University announced.
Professors are sometimes asked to give lectures on what wisdom they would impart if they knew it was their last chance. Soon after Dr. Pausch (pronounced powsh), a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon, accepted that challenge, he learned he had months to live.
He hesitated, then went ahead with the lecture, on Sept. 18, 2007. He said he intended to have fun and advised others to do the same. He spoke of the importance of childlike wonder.
But Dr. Pausch did not omit things that would break just about anybody’s heart. He spoke of his love for his wife, Jai, and had a birthday cake for her wheeled on stage. He spoke of their three young children, saying he had made his decision to speak mostly to leave them a video memory — to put himself in a metaphorical bottle that they might someday discover on a beach.
As the video of his lecture spread across the Web and was translated into many languages, Dr. Pausch also became the co-author of a best-selling book and a deeply personal friend, wise, understanding and humorous, to many he never met.
“His fate is ours, sped up,” wrote Jeffrey Zaslow, a Wall Street Journal columnist who covered the lecture on the chance it would be a good story, and helped bring it wider awareness. The book he wrote with Dr. Pausch, “The Last Lecture,” was published this year and became a No. 1 best seller; last week it was still No. 1 on The New York Times list of advice books.
Some of the millions who saw Dr. Pausch on YouTube and elsewhere wrote letters and e-mail to The Journal and many blogs. Some said he inspired them to quit feeling sorry for themselves, or to move on from divorces, or to pay more attention to their families. A woman said the video gave her the strength to escape an abusive relationship; others said they decided not to commit suicide because of it.
The effort and the effect, even before the book, have been likened to Mitch Albom’s book on lessons he learned from his dying college professor, “Tuesdays with Morrie” (1997).
Dr. Pausch said in an interview with USA Today that he had never read that book.
“I didn’t know there was a dying-professor section at the bookstore,” he said with typical sardonic wit.
Time magazine named Dr. Pausch one of the 100 most influential people in the world, and ABC declared him one of its three “persons of the year” for 2007. Oprah Winfrey promised him 10 minutes of uninterrupted speaking time, and he used it to give a condensed version of the lecture.
Randolf Frederick Pausch was born in Baltimore on Oct. 23, 1960. In his lecture, he praised his parents for letting him paint pictures on the walls of his room. Dozens of parents wrote him to say they followed this example and allowed their children to decorate in the same way.
Dr. Pausch graduated from Brown University, earned his Ph.D. in computer science from Carnegie Mellon, taught at the University of Virginia for a decade and joined Carnegie Mellon’s faculty in 1997. In addition to working in the computer science department, he had appointments in the Human-Computer Interaction Institute and the School of Design.
His passion was creating programs he called computer worlds that students could use to create games. In fact, they were learning sophisticated computer skills. His annual virtual reality contest was highly anticipated, and work on virtual reality by some of his students won them the chance to experience weightlessness on an aircraft. They then used virtual reality techniques to mimic weightlessness.
Dr. Pausch received awards from academic and industry groups. Carnegie Mellon named a footbridge between its computer science and arts building for him to commemorate his efforts to link the fields.
Carnegie Mellon had a tradition of asking professors near the ends of their careers to deliver what it called “The Last Lecture,” but the name had been changed to “Voyages” when Dr. Pausch gave his. He bet with friends that no more than 50 people would attend. There was standing room only in the 400-seat auditorium.
Using images on a giant screen, he began by showing a slide of CT scans revealing 10 tumors on his liver. He then said he never felt better, and dropped to the floor to do push-ups, some one-handed.
He showed photos of himself as a boy, then listed his youthful dreams: to win giant stuffed animals at carnivals, to walk in zero gravity, to design Disney rides, to write a World Book entry (on virtual reality). He said he had accomplished them all.
But it turned out that other aspirations remained. When the director of the new “Star Trek” film heard that Dr. Pausch was a Trekkie, he invited him to appear in a cameo role, including a spoken line. When the Pittsburgh Steelers heard he had dreamed of playing pro football, they let him participate in a practice.
This March, Dr. Pausch testified before a House committee in Washington in favor of more money for researching pancreatic cancer. He held up an 8-by-10 picture of his three children and his wife, whom he noted would soon be his widow.
Dr. Pausch is survived by his wife, the former Jai Glasgow; his sons, Dylan and Logan; his daughter, Chloe; his mother, Virginia Pausch of Columbia, Md.; and his sister, Tamara Mason of Lynchburg, Va.
Dr. Pausch gave practical advice in his lecture, avoiding spiritual and religious matters. He did, however, mention that he experienced a near-deathbed conversion: he switched and bought a Macintosh computer.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Lack of support from gay community...why?
As I have mentioned on my blog before, I am always totally taken back at the lack of support in the gay community when it comes to any organization is trying to do something.
I host a national gay volleyball tournament here in Cincinnati and this will be our 4th annual. We have teams come from all over the country to play for the weekend. It brings business into town for the tournament, as you know these guys are going to need a place to eat and a place to party. When I approach local gay bars I am amazed at how they do not want to even pay the bar sponsorship of $150. That money helps us offset the cost of the tournament, which is not a small amount by any means, and allows us to have more money at the end to donate to charity, which is mandated by the national organization. For $150 they get a full page ad in the tournament program, their logo and link on the tournament website, because guys are going to be looking for the nightlife in Cincinnati.
When we have our local fundraisers the turnout is usually low as well. It is always the same wonderful, supportive people who come out. Even getting other gay businesses involved is very difficult.
For such a big town as Cincinnati is, where is the support? Softball busts its ass to keep that league going and growing, I work a TON on indoor and outdoor volleyball, I just started a tennis league again after a long absence I am told, thinking I might get 10 guys. I have 42 men and women in the gay and lesbian tennis league.
We are in the process of creating on single website that will host logos and links to alot of stuff in the community, as well as announcements about upcoming events, anything someone thinks is import should have a place to communicate to the community and the GLBT Times just isnt it. They work hard, very hard, but there needs to be another medium, and that is online.
Come on everyone, lets support each other in every way possible.
Thanks, all that is meant with love.
I host a national gay volleyball tournament here in Cincinnati and this will be our 4th annual. We have teams come from all over the country to play for the weekend. It brings business into town for the tournament, as you know these guys are going to need a place to eat and a place to party. When I approach local gay bars I am amazed at how they do not want to even pay the bar sponsorship of $150. That money helps us offset the cost of the tournament, which is not a small amount by any means, and allows us to have more money at the end to donate to charity, which is mandated by the national organization. For $150 they get a full page ad in the tournament program, their logo and link on the tournament website, because guys are going to be looking for the nightlife in Cincinnati.
When we have our local fundraisers the turnout is usually low as well. It is always the same wonderful, supportive people who come out. Even getting other gay businesses involved is very difficult.
For such a big town as Cincinnati is, where is the support? Softball busts its ass to keep that league going and growing, I work a TON on indoor and outdoor volleyball, I just started a tennis league again after a long absence I am told, thinking I might get 10 guys. I have 42 men and women in the gay and lesbian tennis league.
We are in the process of creating on single website that will host logos and links to alot of stuff in the community, as well as announcements about upcoming events, anything someone thinks is import should have a place to communicate to the community and the GLBT Times just isnt it. They work hard, very hard, but there needs to be another medium, and that is online.
Come on everyone, lets support each other in every way possible.
Thanks, all that is meant with love.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
REGRET
I was sitting and reflecting back on my life over the past week, since Turing on 44 last Wednesday. I have been fortunate enough to do allot of great things and go some great places, and meet some really wonderful people.
I still managed to be overcome with regret. It was not anything to do with my life because I would not do anything do differently. Where the regret comes from is how I have handled relationships with friends, family and just people in general. The horrible feeling for me as far as regret goes, is the constant question about how can I overcome those thoughts, grow from them and be able to become a better person
To me personally, regret is far worse than guilt, although you would think they are a bit similar in meaning and how they feel. When you put the two together, quilt that brings on regret is a horrible way to feel. To top both of those off, the things that are bothering you in regards to quilt and re great are things you brought on yourself and could have been totally avoided.
Communication is a must and can help you avoid those problems as well as helping you deal with them once they manifest in your soul. I have done so good things in my life and I have hurt some people that were there to only help me. A bit of advice from me is to communicate, there is that word again, talk to your friends about everything, be open and honest regardles of what the issue is. Running from them and avoiding them out of shame does not make the problem go away and you are more that likely to lose a great friend. They would rather have you be straight up honest with them, and not to hide from them or avoid them. It also comes down to respect.
As cliche' as it is, life is too short to go through it full of guilt and regret. Be the best you can be and live life with the respect for others that you would want from them. Live lone, love hard and laugh much.
Carl
I still managed to be overcome with regret. It was not anything to do with my life because I would not do anything do differently. Where the regret comes from is how I have handled relationships with friends, family and just people in general. The horrible feeling for me as far as regret goes, is the constant question about how can I overcome those thoughts, grow from them and be able to become a better person
To me personally, regret is far worse than guilt, although you would think they are a bit similar in meaning and how they feel. When you put the two together, quilt that brings on regret is a horrible way to feel. To top both of those off, the things that are bothering you in regards to quilt and re great are things you brought on yourself and could have been totally avoided.
Communication is a must and can help you avoid those problems as well as helping you deal with them once they manifest in your soul. I have done so good things in my life and I have hurt some people that were there to only help me. A bit of advice from me is to communicate, there is that word again, talk to your friends about everything, be open and honest regardles of what the issue is. Running from them and avoiding them out of shame does not make the problem go away and you are more that likely to lose a great friend. They would rather have you be straight up honest with them, and not to hide from them or avoid them. It also comes down to respect.
As cliche' as it is, life is too short to go through it full of guilt and regret. Be the best you can be and live life with the respect for others that you would want from them. Live lone, love hard and laugh much.
Carl
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
This article was on advocate.com today.....
How can gay republicans support this man???
McCain A Moving Target On Gay Issues
John McCain flatly opposed gay adoption last week, now his campaign says he thinks it should be left up to the states.
By Kerry Eleveld
An Advocate.com exclusive posted July 15, 2008
If you thought Senator John McCain’s position on gay issues couldn’t get any murkier, hold on – it just went from murky to downright muddy. After Sen. McCain told The New York Times in no uncertain terms last weekend that he opposes allowing gay couples to adopt children, his campaign lurched back to the center Tuesday with a clarifying statement saying “he recognizes that there are many abandoned children who have yet to find homes” and “believes that in those situations that caring parental figures are better for the child than the alternative."
That strikes a slightly different tenor on gay adoption than the Arizona senator’s original statement to the Times last Friday: “I think we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no, I don’t believe in gay adoption.”
Today’s statement from McCain's director of communications Jill Hazelbaker, went on to parallel his view on gay adoption with his approach to same-sex marriage as a state’s right to determine. "McCain could have been clearer in the interview in stating that his position on gay adoption is that it is a state issue, just as he made it clear in the interview that marriage is a state issue. He was not endorsing any federal legislation,” Hazelbaker said in the statement.
OK, so apparently we're revisiting gay marriage too. True: the campaign’s original statement following the California Supreme Court’s pro-marriage decision indicated that Sen. McCain supported the voters’ “right” to decide the matter. But several weeks ago, a statement from the McCain campaign surfaced on ProtectMarriage.com, saying, “I support the efforts of the people of California to recognize marriage as a unique institution between a man and a woman.” That revelation was followed by a five-day period of silence from the campaign before spokespeople confirmed that it did indeed accurately represent Sen. McCain’s support for the marriage amendment headed for California’s ballot in November. However, in his weekend interview with the Times, McCain went back to stressing the voters' right to decide, whatever the outcome might be. “I respect the right of the states to make those decisions,” he said.
McCain’s jags on LGBT issues have come amid what many pundits have regarded as a chaotic time in his campaign and its messaging. Beyond a staffing shakeup that put Rovean protégé Steve Schmidt in charge of the campaign, Sen. McCain’s policy statements have lurched from the moderate inspired support for enhanced environmental policies to a crusty conservative jab at the Supreme Court decision giving suspected terrorists the right to challenge their detention in federal courts. “The United States Supreme Court rendered a decision yesterday that I think is one of the worst decisions in history,” McCain said.
But overall, Democratic strategist Steve McMahon thinks Sen. McCain’s campaign is moving him slowly, if not consistently, to more moderate positions in order to please independent voters.
“Apparently, Sen. McCain didn't get the memo that he doesn’t need to keep running to the right to please the Republican base,” McMahon said of McCain's original comment rejecting gay adoption. “He ran far right to get the nomination and now his campaign is obviously trying to move John McCain back to the middle.”
Though McCain briefly indicated support for the California marriage amendment, he has consistently opposed a federal amendment to the Constitution, which jibes with the campaign’s federalist approach voiced today on gay adoption bans. It’s unclear whether he will support statewide efforts to ban gay adoption like the one being waged in Arkansas. His campaign did not return phone calls for this article.
Patrick Sammon, president of the Log Cabin Republicans declined to conjecture about the zigzagging nature of McCain’s LGBT policies but offered, “We certainly respect that there are hundreds of thousands of gay and lesbian couples who are excellent parents making sacrifices every day to help their kids and raise them in a loving nurturing environment, and we're certainly pleased that Senator McCain’s campaign clarified its position on this important issue.”
One thing is clear: it’s hard to keep up with McCain’s statements, even for professional queer organizations like the Human Rights Campaign. About an hour after the McCain camp's “clarifying” statement started to circulate today, HRC issued a rebuke of his comments from the weekend, noting “there are more than one half a million children in the U.S. foster care system, with at least 100,000 awaiting adoption by loving, permanent families.” But you know what they say: that’s so last week.
Eleveld is news editor of The Advocate.
McCain A Moving Target On Gay Issues
John McCain flatly opposed gay adoption last week, now his campaign says he thinks it should be left up to the states.
By Kerry Eleveld
An Advocate.com exclusive posted July 15, 2008
If you thought Senator John McCain’s position on gay issues couldn’t get any murkier, hold on – it just went from murky to downright muddy. After Sen. McCain told The New York Times in no uncertain terms last weekend that he opposes allowing gay couples to adopt children, his campaign lurched back to the center Tuesday with a clarifying statement saying “he recognizes that there are many abandoned children who have yet to find homes” and “believes that in those situations that caring parental figures are better for the child than the alternative."
That strikes a slightly different tenor on gay adoption than the Arizona senator’s original statement to the Times last Friday: “I think we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no, I don’t believe in gay adoption.”
Today’s statement from McCain's director of communications Jill Hazelbaker, went on to parallel his view on gay adoption with his approach to same-sex marriage as a state’s right to determine. "McCain could have been clearer in the interview in stating that his position on gay adoption is that it is a state issue, just as he made it clear in the interview that marriage is a state issue. He was not endorsing any federal legislation,” Hazelbaker said in the statement.
OK, so apparently we're revisiting gay marriage too. True: the campaign’s original statement following the California Supreme Court’s pro-marriage decision indicated that Sen. McCain supported the voters’ “right” to decide the matter. But several weeks ago, a statement from the McCain campaign surfaced on ProtectMarriage.com, saying, “I support the efforts of the people of California to recognize marriage as a unique institution between a man and a woman.” That revelation was followed by a five-day period of silence from the campaign before spokespeople confirmed that it did indeed accurately represent Sen. McCain’s support for the marriage amendment headed for California’s ballot in November. However, in his weekend interview with the Times, McCain went back to stressing the voters' right to decide, whatever the outcome might be. “I respect the right of the states to make those decisions,” he said.
McCain’s jags on LGBT issues have come amid what many pundits have regarded as a chaotic time in his campaign and its messaging. Beyond a staffing shakeup that put Rovean protégé Steve Schmidt in charge of the campaign, Sen. McCain’s policy statements have lurched from the moderate inspired support for enhanced environmental policies to a crusty conservative jab at the Supreme Court decision giving suspected terrorists the right to challenge their detention in federal courts. “The United States Supreme Court rendered a decision yesterday that I think is one of the worst decisions in history,” McCain said.
But overall, Democratic strategist Steve McMahon thinks Sen. McCain’s campaign is moving him slowly, if not consistently, to more moderate positions in order to please independent voters.
“Apparently, Sen. McCain didn't get the memo that he doesn’t need to keep running to the right to please the Republican base,” McMahon said of McCain's original comment rejecting gay adoption. “He ran far right to get the nomination and now his campaign is obviously trying to move John McCain back to the middle.”
Though McCain briefly indicated support for the California marriage amendment, he has consistently opposed a federal amendment to the Constitution, which jibes with the campaign’s federalist approach voiced today on gay adoption bans. It’s unclear whether he will support statewide efforts to ban gay adoption like the one being waged in Arkansas. His campaign did not return phone calls for this article.
Patrick Sammon, president of the Log Cabin Republicans declined to conjecture about the zigzagging nature of McCain’s LGBT policies but offered, “We certainly respect that there are hundreds of thousands of gay and lesbian couples who are excellent parents making sacrifices every day to help their kids and raise them in a loving nurturing environment, and we're certainly pleased that Senator McCain’s campaign clarified its position on this important issue.”
One thing is clear: it’s hard to keep up with McCain’s statements, even for professional queer organizations like the Human Rights Campaign. About an hour after the McCain camp's “clarifying” statement started to circulate today, HRC issued a rebuke of his comments from the weekend, noting “there are more than one half a million children in the U.S. foster care system, with at least 100,000 awaiting adoption by loving, permanent families.” But you know what they say: that’s so last week.
Eleveld is news editor of The Advocate.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Whats going on with the gay relationship?
I am writing this entry because I am just curious as to why the gay relationship, for the most part, just does not seem to stand the test of time. I recently had a friend break up with his boyfriend after 2 years and he was and still is hurting quit a bit. Another friend of mine dated the same guy a few years ago, and he was dumped by the same guy. Whats going on??
Both guys were blindsided and were not expecting this to be the end of their relationship. I personally think in this situation the person who keeps ending the relationships just does hot have a clue what they want. He was not willing to work on either relationship as far as trying to work through the problems, even if these problems existed, and thus he let the relationships die.
Can gay men commit and be happy? Are there men out there who just need to be with someone for security and are able to hide their true emotions regarding this relationship? Are there allot of users out there? Users meaning getting in a relationship solely for the purpose of what they can get out of that person? I would really hate to think that this could be the case, but I think those sorts of people exist in the straight and gay community.
It is almost funny to watch how relationships work in the gay community. I know many attractive, grounded, good career type, great personality types that are single and unable to find the one. I also know guys who are total train wrecks who have to beat the men off with a stick. It is almost as if the more drama you have in your life the more men you attract. Can you not keep your train on the tracks and still find a good guy to date? Or must you totally derail your train to draw some interest?
Personally I think as gay men and women, we so want to be loved and feel secure and loved that some rush into relationships purely out of the fear of being alone. I admit one of my greatest fears is to get old (ok, I am old, I just turned 44 on July 9th.) and to never experience what true love is like.
I simply want the gay community to slow down. Date, and really get to know each other. This is something we can learn from the straight community. Building solid, strong relationships can only be wonderful for the gay community.
Have a great day everyone....
Carl
Both guys were blindsided and were not expecting this to be the end of their relationship. I personally think in this situation the person who keeps ending the relationships just does hot have a clue what they want. He was not willing to work on either relationship as far as trying to work through the problems, even if these problems existed, and thus he let the relationships die.
Can gay men commit and be happy? Are there men out there who just need to be with someone for security and are able to hide their true emotions regarding this relationship? Are there allot of users out there? Users meaning getting in a relationship solely for the purpose of what they can get out of that person? I would really hate to think that this could be the case, but I think those sorts of people exist in the straight and gay community.
It is almost funny to watch how relationships work in the gay community. I know many attractive, grounded, good career type, great personality types that are single and unable to find the one. I also know guys who are total train wrecks who have to beat the men off with a stick. It is almost as if the more drama you have in your life the more men you attract. Can you not keep your train on the tracks and still find a good guy to date? Or must you totally derail your train to draw some interest?
Personally I think as gay men and women, we so want to be loved and feel secure and loved that some rush into relationships purely out of the fear of being alone. I admit one of my greatest fears is to get old (ok, I am old, I just turned 44 on July 9th.) and to never experience what true love is like.
I simply want the gay community to slow down. Date, and really get to know each other. This is something we can learn from the straight community. Building solid, strong relationships can only be wonderful for the gay community.
Have a great day everyone....
Carl
Thursday, July 10, 2008
The subject of HIV in a variety of cinema...
HIV and Film: A Rare Combo
The most famous AIDS movies are often lily-white and dripping with privilege. But as the recent film Before I Forget proves, HIV sees no boundaries. Here are 10 movies that did the same.
By Lawrence Ferber
An Advocate.com exclusive posted July 8, 2008
The film Longtime Companion, like Buddies and Parting Glances before it, drew criticism in the early '90s for depicting only privileged white gay males with AIDS. Yet since those films, we’ve seen a far more diverse assortment of poz characters, including some who are socially acceptable and others un-PC outrageous. The latest addition to reality is the new release Before I Forget, with its jaded, HIV-positive, ex-gigolo senior citizen protagonist. Here’s a quick glance at how cinema has presented the disease and those living with it:
A Virus Has No Morals (1986)
German maverick Rosa Von Praunheim crafted a pitch-black dark comedy/horror AIDS film that skewered gay activists, Christianity, the government, and the medical establishment alike.
Via Appia (1990)
A German flight attendant revisits Rio de Janeiro to track down the hustler who infected him, leaving “Welcome to the AIDS club” scrawled on his bathroom mirror. And no, he’s not the kind of person with a passionate persuasion for dancing or romancing.
The Living End (1992)
Finally, American queer filmmakers said, “Fuck politeness.” Director Gregg Araki presented us with two pissed-off poz guys with a gun. The gay male Thelma and Louise.
Zero Patience (1993)
The ghost of Gaetan Dugas, a Quebecois flight attendant once dubbed the epidemic’s “Patient Zero,” returns as a ghost to clear his name in John Greyson’s zany AIDS musical. The late, great Michael Callen appeared as a singing HIV particle.
Savage Nights (1994)
Cyril Collard’s confessional feature starred himself as a bisexual antihero who faced his disease by ignoring it, indulging in unprotected sex with a smitten lover (the astounding Romane Bohringer), and anonymous tricks. The film ignited controversy and snagged France’s Oscar four nights after Collard succumbed to AIDS.
Red Ribbon Blues (1996)
Drag divas RuPaul and Lypsinka (a.k.a.John Epperson) starred sans dresses in this film about HIV-positive drugstore cowboys who steal a new über-expensive miracle AIDS treatment and distribute it amongst the needy. Viva La Revolución!
Chrissy (1999)
Jacqui North’s Australian documentary represents one of the rare portraits of a lesbian with AIDS.
Adventures of Felix (2000)
An upbeat, HIV-positive North African crosses France to find his father and assembles a new family on the way, all while adhering to his drug regimen. Star Sami Bouajila went on to play a bisexual cop in André Téchiné’s recent AIDS drama, The Witnesses.
The Old Testament (2002)
In this no budget indie from Beijing queer underground filmmaker, Cui Zi’en, a lover rocks his relationship by taking in an AIDS-afflicted ex. Welcome to the 21st-century, China.
Bear Cub (2004)
While Jason Alexander lays claim to playing one of film’s first HIV-positive bears in Love! Valour! Compassion!, actor José Luis García-Pérez fronted this sexually explicit Spanish import about a promiscuous dentist who faces hairy issues like gay parenting and living with HIV.
The most famous AIDS movies are often lily-white and dripping with privilege. But as the recent film Before I Forget proves, HIV sees no boundaries. Here are 10 movies that did the same.
By Lawrence Ferber
An Advocate.com exclusive posted July 8, 2008
The film Longtime Companion, like Buddies and Parting Glances before it, drew criticism in the early '90s for depicting only privileged white gay males with AIDS. Yet since those films, we’ve seen a far more diverse assortment of poz characters, including some who are socially acceptable and others un-PC outrageous. The latest addition to reality is the new release Before I Forget, with its jaded, HIV-positive, ex-gigolo senior citizen protagonist. Here’s a quick glance at how cinema has presented the disease and those living with it:
A Virus Has No Morals (1986)
German maverick Rosa Von Praunheim crafted a pitch-black dark comedy/horror AIDS film that skewered gay activists, Christianity, the government, and the medical establishment alike.
Via Appia (1990)
A German flight attendant revisits Rio de Janeiro to track down the hustler who infected him, leaving “Welcome to the AIDS club” scrawled on his bathroom mirror. And no, he’s not the kind of person with a passionate persuasion for dancing or romancing.
The Living End (1992)
Finally, American queer filmmakers said, “Fuck politeness.” Director Gregg Araki presented us with two pissed-off poz guys with a gun. The gay male Thelma and Louise.
Zero Patience (1993)
The ghost of Gaetan Dugas, a Quebecois flight attendant once dubbed the epidemic’s “Patient Zero,” returns as a ghost to clear his name in John Greyson’s zany AIDS musical. The late, great Michael Callen appeared as a singing HIV particle.
Savage Nights (1994)
Cyril Collard’s confessional feature starred himself as a bisexual antihero who faced his disease by ignoring it, indulging in unprotected sex with a smitten lover (the astounding Romane Bohringer), and anonymous tricks. The film ignited controversy and snagged France’s Oscar four nights after Collard succumbed to AIDS.
Red Ribbon Blues (1996)
Drag divas RuPaul and Lypsinka (a.k.a.John Epperson) starred sans dresses in this film about HIV-positive drugstore cowboys who steal a new über-expensive miracle AIDS treatment and distribute it amongst the needy. Viva La Revolución!
Chrissy (1999)
Jacqui North’s Australian documentary represents one of the rare portraits of a lesbian with AIDS.
Adventures of Felix (2000)
An upbeat, HIV-positive North African crosses France to find his father and assembles a new family on the way, all while adhering to his drug regimen. Star Sami Bouajila went on to play a bisexual cop in André Téchiné’s recent AIDS drama, The Witnesses.
The Old Testament (2002)
In this no budget indie from Beijing queer underground filmmaker, Cui Zi’en, a lover rocks his relationship by taking in an AIDS-afflicted ex. Welcome to the 21st-century, China.
Bear Cub (2004)
While Jason Alexander lays claim to playing one of film’s first HIV-positive bears in Love! Valour! Compassion!, actor José Luis García-Pérez fronted this sexually explicit Spanish import about a promiscuous dentist who faces hairy issues like gay parenting and living with HIV.
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Upcoming birthday...
Hello everyone..
Well, with my birthday coming up Wednesday the 9th, and am taking time to reflect on my upcoming 44th birthday.
I believe that everyone reflects on their lives and their past. I also believe that few people are really, really happy with what they have done and where they are currently in their lives. Maybe if you are Oprah Winfrey.
As I have stated in previous posts, I am always thinking about the choices I made early in my life and where I am as far as a career. Had I finished my teaching degree, I would have just finished my 22nd year of teaching. To think that is amazing and surreal at the same time. I do not look at my life as a failure but I feel as if I have wasted so many years when I could have been doing bigger and better things. I wonder how many others feel the same way or how many people have been able to overcome the feeling of being in a rut. It can be very frustrating to feel this way.
Websters defines doubt as: to lack confidence in.
Doubt is a very strong thing. It can undermine everything you think about, believe in, specific actions you take, etc. Overcoming doubt is an incrediable thing as it makes you stronger. I work to overcome doubt each and every day. How do you deal with doubt?
Well, with my birthday coming up Wednesday the 9th, and am taking time to reflect on my upcoming 44th birthday.
I believe that everyone reflects on their lives and their past. I also believe that few people are really, really happy with what they have done and where they are currently in their lives. Maybe if you are Oprah Winfrey.
As I have stated in previous posts, I am always thinking about the choices I made early in my life and where I am as far as a career. Had I finished my teaching degree, I would have just finished my 22nd year of teaching. To think that is amazing and surreal at the same time. I do not look at my life as a failure but I feel as if I have wasted so many years when I could have been doing bigger and better things. I wonder how many others feel the same way or how many people have been able to overcome the feeling of being in a rut. It can be very frustrating to feel this way.
Websters defines doubt as: to lack confidence in.
Doubt is a very strong thing. It can undermine everything you think about, believe in, specific actions you take, etc. Overcoming doubt is an incrediable thing as it makes you stronger. I work to overcome doubt each and every day. How do you deal with doubt?
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