I watched the movie Prayers For Bobby, and I was totally blown away. Although we have all heard such stories this one for me really him close to home. My family was never religious in any way but when I was in Jr. High school I was exposed to a pentecostal church through some friends of mine. It was great to just be around kids my own age and to do things together via the youth group each and every week. I felt safe and accpeted there and I really enjoyed it for many years. During that time I was coming to grasp with the fact that I was gay. The conflicts that came within myself during those years was crippling. I knew deep, deep down in my heart and soul that I was not making these feeling ups or neither was I choosing to feel this way. One summer at church camp I even went as far as having the hugest crush on my groups male counselor. Then the conflicts came with the messeges that were being preached to us on a regular basis. Being and feeling as I was, was nothing more than a one way ticket to hell. I spent countless hours praying and crying for these gay feelings to be taken away from me so that I could be normal. You were always hearing in sermons that God answers prayer and if you have enough faith he would then answer prayer. I could not have been any more sincere in my efforts at that age. I remember constant times of thinking of killing myself because that inner battle that was going on in my mind was wearing me out physically and emotionally. Why would God not answer my prayers and heal me of these horrible thoughts of being with other men? It had to have been something that I was doing wrong, or I was not worthy of Gods love and mercy.
Finally, and I am not sure what happened to get me to that point, but I stopped beating myself up about it and just accepted it and gave up the church and my youth group that I loved so much. To this very day I have anger at God and I have a hard time with religion in any means. If there is a God, how could he let SO MANY misdirected youth and young adults wander adrift in doubt about who they are? In that question is where my problems with God lie. I just does not make any sense. The youth and young adults in the world need to be taught that they are special and nothing is wrong with them if they are realizing that they are homosexual. They are worthy of life and much love.
Another great night view of our City!
Cincinnati is simply beautiful....
News source for Cincinnati Gay and Lesbian community.
The Greater Cincinnati Gay and Lesbian News!
Cincinnati's Freestore Foodbank
Help this organization help those in need!
Cincinnatis Premier Gay & Lesbian Softball League
PLAY BALL!!!!!
Cincinnati's Gay & Lesbian Golf League
FORE!!!!!!!
Cincinnati's Gay and Lesbian Volleyball Connection.
DIG, SET, SPIKE!!!
Cincinnati Rainbow Pride Tennis League
Cincinnatis Gay & Lesbian Tennis League
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
The new year 2009....things to come.
I hope everyone had a great new year!!!
I am going to attempt to work on the outside of me, since that all of last and a great deal of 2007 was spent working on the inside, the mental side of myself.
I have openly discussed my suicide attempt in May of 2007, and how I was hosptialized most of that year. 2008 was the first year in my life where I did not lose all my energy to the suction power of depression. I was actually happy, content, and confident all of last year. I managed to put on all the weight and more, that I lost while in the hosptial. Research I have done on the medicine I am on, Effexor and Seroquel, states that it can cause weight gain, as many anti-depressents do.
I am going to a meeting on Feb. 2 to see if I qualify for Gastric Bypass Surgery. Through the fight of my depresson over most of my life, I thought if I would lose weight the door to being loved by someone would open. I finally now know that is not the case. It has become such a clich'e over the past few years, but its true. If you can not love yourself, inside and out, nobody else will be able to love you. I have the hardest time losing weight due to the fact that I am a horrible eater. Dieting is such a task for me to stay on. I have a background with athletics and fitness but I still can not control my eating. I am no longer eating for comfort as I did over the years, but instead I am eating just horrible things for me. Years of athletics kept me at a stocky size and I continued to eat as much of anything I wanted. Now that competitive sports is slowing down for me, I no longer have that luxury of eating anything I wanted and whenever I wanted.
I know there is alot of pros and cons of this type of surgery, but it is something I have to do. I have to do what I feel is best for me, and my best chance to become healthy for the second part of my life. I will be 45 this July. WOW!!! 45!!! I can not believe that I am almost 50. I can remember so much of my early years, high school, college, and I just can not get over that I will be 45 this year. I do not feel 45 until I look in the mirror.
I will keep my progress posted on my blog during the approval stage of the surgery, and the happenings after if I am approved.
***** I AM SO HAPPY FOR EVERYONE WHO SURRIVED YESTERDAYS US AIRWAYS CRASH IN THE HUDSON RIVER IN NEW YORK CITY!!!1 THAT PILOT AND THE WHOLE CREW DESERVE THE LABEL OF HEROS IF THERE WAS EVER SUCH A THING!!!!!*********
I am going to attempt to work on the outside of me, since that all of last and a great deal of 2007 was spent working on the inside, the mental side of myself.
I have openly discussed my suicide attempt in May of 2007, and how I was hosptialized most of that year. 2008 was the first year in my life where I did not lose all my energy to the suction power of depression. I was actually happy, content, and confident all of last year. I managed to put on all the weight and more, that I lost while in the hosptial. Research I have done on the medicine I am on, Effexor and Seroquel, states that it can cause weight gain, as many anti-depressents do.
I am going to a meeting on Feb. 2 to see if I qualify for Gastric Bypass Surgery. Through the fight of my depresson over most of my life, I thought if I would lose weight the door to being loved by someone would open. I finally now know that is not the case. It has become such a clich'e over the past few years, but its true. If you can not love yourself, inside and out, nobody else will be able to love you. I have the hardest time losing weight due to the fact that I am a horrible eater. Dieting is such a task for me to stay on. I have a background with athletics and fitness but I still can not control my eating. I am no longer eating for comfort as I did over the years, but instead I am eating just horrible things for me. Years of athletics kept me at a stocky size and I continued to eat as much of anything I wanted. Now that competitive sports is slowing down for me, I no longer have that luxury of eating anything I wanted and whenever I wanted.
I know there is alot of pros and cons of this type of surgery, but it is something I have to do. I have to do what I feel is best for me, and my best chance to become healthy for the second part of my life. I will be 45 this July. WOW!!! 45!!! I can not believe that I am almost 50. I can remember so much of my early years, high school, college, and I just can not get over that I will be 45 this year. I do not feel 45 until I look in the mirror.
I will keep my progress posted on my blog during the approval stage of the surgery, and the happenings after if I am approved.
***** I AM SO HAPPY FOR EVERYONE WHO SURRIVED YESTERDAYS US AIRWAYS CRASH IN THE HUDSON RIVER IN NEW YORK CITY!!!1 THAT PILOT AND THE WHOLE CREW DESERVE THE LABEL OF HEROS IF THERE WAS EVER SUCH A THING!!!!!*********
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Oprah Fat Again??? Is anyone surprised?????
Oprah 'embarrassed' about weight gain
Oprah Winfrey opens up about her recent weight gain in an eight-page package in the January issue of O. The coverline reads: “How Did I Let This Happen Again?”
Winfrey writes about how and why she has gained 40 pounds in four years, now reaching 200 pounds. That's right. 200.
“I’m mad at myself. I’m embarrassed.”
She goes on, “I didn’t just fall off the wagon. I let the wagon fall on me.”
According to WWD, Winfrey posed for O in January 2005 when she was at 160 pounds, in her workout wear and an evening gown. “I want to repeat the cover with who I am now and what my story is,” Winfrey says.
Of the challenges that led to the weight gain, “This past year, I took myself off of my own priority list. I wasn’t just low on the list, I wasn’t even on the list.”
The media mogul has thyroid conditions (oh, that old saw!) that also slowed her metabolism. After missing meditation, workouts and eating junk food, the weight piled on. Winfrey was reportedly so upset by her weight gain (but not enough to stop eating) that she didn’t allow any full-body covers of herself, only headshots or poses that hid her expanded body.
Remember those photos of Oprah eating her way through Italy? She really was! See the photographic proof here.
Coincidentally (we’re sure) Winfrey’s O story will launch a weeklong series on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” beginning Jan. 5, “Oprah’s Best Life Week,” which will give viewers thorough advice on health, spirit, money and relationships to guide them through the new year.
Is this a case of "Do as I say, not as I do?'
Hey, you don't think Oprah gained weight just so she could take it off again for ratings and magazine sales, do you?
Hmmm....
Photo: O magazine
OK, is anyone as upset about all this media attention to this topic once yet again. Here we have one of the most wealthy people in all the world. She has private chefs, Bob Green as her own, physical trainer, and yet she has gained weight to talk he up over 200 pounds yet again. I am furious that she is making this news. This is anything but news. What I smell is a future, huge weight loss, and then book deals and a ton on money coming her way about how she did it ( again ), blah blah blah. I use to be a total fan and had so much respect for Oprah, but that is long gone after 2008. Her shows lacked much to them at all. I do not think that Oprah needs to do more right here in her own back yard. While I respected the school for girls in Africa, I just feel that it was a bit much, when we have so many kids who have no food and do not get the chance to go to school year in the United States. I have been in the far south where my family grew up and I have seen how bad it is still today. Oprah, get over it, you are a big girl, love yourself for who you are. Try gastrip bypass, it works and could be just what you need. I think you are a greedy business woman and you do not really do much to help people in need. Good deeds start at home.
Oprah Winfrey opens up about her recent weight gain in an eight-page package in the January issue of O. The coverline reads: “How Did I Let This Happen Again?”
Winfrey writes about how and why she has gained 40 pounds in four years, now reaching 200 pounds. That's right. 200.
“I’m mad at myself. I’m embarrassed.”
She goes on, “I didn’t just fall off the wagon. I let the wagon fall on me.”
According to WWD, Winfrey posed for O in January 2005 when she was at 160 pounds, in her workout wear and an evening gown. “I want to repeat the cover with who I am now and what my story is,” Winfrey says.
Of the challenges that led to the weight gain, “This past year, I took myself off of my own priority list. I wasn’t just low on the list, I wasn’t even on the list.”
The media mogul has thyroid conditions (oh, that old saw!) that also slowed her metabolism. After missing meditation, workouts and eating junk food, the weight piled on. Winfrey was reportedly so upset by her weight gain (but not enough to stop eating) that she didn’t allow any full-body covers of herself, only headshots or poses that hid her expanded body.
Remember those photos of Oprah eating her way through Italy? She really was! See the photographic proof here.
Coincidentally (we’re sure) Winfrey’s O story will launch a weeklong series on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” beginning Jan. 5, “Oprah’s Best Life Week,” which will give viewers thorough advice on health, spirit, money and relationships to guide them through the new year.
Is this a case of "Do as I say, not as I do?'
Hey, you don't think Oprah gained weight just so she could take it off again for ratings and magazine sales, do you?
Hmmm....
Photo: O magazine
OK, is anyone as upset about all this media attention to this topic once yet again. Here we have one of the most wealthy people in all the world. She has private chefs, Bob Green as her own, physical trainer, and yet she has gained weight to talk he up over 200 pounds yet again. I am furious that she is making this news. This is anything but news. What I smell is a future, huge weight loss, and then book deals and a ton on money coming her way about how she did it ( again ), blah blah blah. I use to be a total fan and had so much respect for Oprah, but that is long gone after 2008. Her shows lacked much to them at all. I do not think that Oprah needs to do more right here in her own back yard. While I respected the school for girls in Africa, I just feel that it was a bit much, when we have so many kids who have no food and do not get the chance to go to school year in the United States. I have been in the far south where my family grew up and I have seen how bad it is still today. Oprah, get over it, you are a big girl, love yourself for who you are. Try gastrip bypass, it works and could be just what you need. I think you are a greedy business woman and you do not really do much to help people in need. Good deeds start at home.
HIV Skeptic Christine Maggior Dead At 52
HIV Skeptic Christine Maggiore Dead at 52
The Los Angeles Times has confirmed with the Los Angeles County coroner’s office that 52-year-old HIV skeptic Christine Maggiore died Monday.
Maggiore, who was HIV-positive, self-published the book What if Everything You Thought You Knew About AIDS Was Wrong. She founded Alive & Well AIDS Alternatives, a support group that challenges “common assumptions” about AIDS.
In 2005 her 3-year-old daughter, Eliza Jane Scovill, died of what the coroner’s office ruled was AIDS-related pneumonia.
The Los Angeles Police Department and the Los Angeles Department of Child Protective Services briefly investigated Maggiore for child endangerment -- she had refused to take antiretroviral drugs while she was pregnant, and she breast-fed her daughter.
Ultimately, no charges were filed against Maggiore, as both agencies found she had taken her daughter to see physicians on several occasions.
Maggiore was an outspoken critic of the media coverage of her daughter’s death, even sending a letter to the Times in an attempt to get it to retract a story. The Times refused to publish the letter, saying, “If facts in an article are wrong, a correction would be published. However, no correction is warranted in this case.”
On several occasions Maggiore pointed to the health of her husband, filmmaker Robin Scovill, who she said repeatedly tested negative for the virus despite numerous years of unprotected sex. She said her son, born in 1997, also tested negative. (Advocate.com)
My Thoughts... How seriosly selfish this person was. She lost an infant child to aids related pnemonia as she did not take any HIV prentatal meds. Sorry, but in my opinion that is totally selfish and grounds for child abuse, and also, murder. A quote from the article reads, "she had refused to take antiretroviral drugs while she was pregnant, and she breast-fed her daughter." Its one thing to have your own views reagarding HIV treamtment, but when others are involeved you should do anything in your power to help that person become well and utilize any medical treatment or drugs available. The outcome of all this is simply very sad, sad and selfish.
The Los Angeles Times has confirmed with the Los Angeles County coroner’s office that 52-year-old HIV skeptic Christine Maggiore died Monday.
Maggiore, who was HIV-positive, self-published the book What if Everything You Thought You Knew About AIDS Was Wrong. She founded Alive & Well AIDS Alternatives, a support group that challenges “common assumptions” about AIDS.
In 2005 her 3-year-old daughter, Eliza Jane Scovill, died of what the coroner’s office ruled was AIDS-related pneumonia.
The Los Angeles Police Department and the Los Angeles Department of Child Protective Services briefly investigated Maggiore for child endangerment -- she had refused to take antiretroviral drugs while she was pregnant, and she breast-fed her daughter.
Ultimately, no charges were filed against Maggiore, as both agencies found she had taken her daughter to see physicians on several occasions.
Maggiore was an outspoken critic of the media coverage of her daughter’s death, even sending a letter to the Times in an attempt to get it to retract a story. The Times refused to publish the letter, saying, “If facts in an article are wrong, a correction would be published. However, no correction is warranted in this case.”
On several occasions Maggiore pointed to the health of her husband, filmmaker Robin Scovill, who she said repeatedly tested negative for the virus despite numerous years of unprotected sex. She said her son, born in 1997, also tested negative. (Advocate.com)
My Thoughts... How seriosly selfish this person was. She lost an infant child to aids related pnemonia as she did not take any HIV prentatal meds. Sorry, but in my opinion that is totally selfish and grounds for child abuse, and also, murder. A quote from the article reads, "she had refused to take antiretroviral drugs while she was pregnant, and she breast-fed her daughter." Its one thing to have your own views reagarding HIV treamtment, but when others are involeved you should do anything in your power to help that person become well and utilize any medical treatment or drugs available. The outcome of all this is simply very sad, sad and selfish.
Happy New Year....
I just wanted to take a moment and wish everyone a very Happy New Year. I can only hope that 2009 brings everyone so much more than they were able to get in 2008. I wish for you that you all reach your goals, have many successes and much happiness in the new year.
Maybe one day soon gays and lesbians will no longer have to struggle to just be themselves and live everyday, normal lives just as any other US citizen strives to do. Gay, straight, bi, transgendered, straight, whomever, we all deserve the right to happiness in our lives.
I had a great year in 2008 as far as my depression goes. I actually went a full year without suffering from life altering depression. I learned alot about myself and realized who my real friends are, and how much my family means to me. I love them all very much. As a family we are not perfect and we all have our flaws, but we are family and that means everything to me. I miss my mom and dad but I have to believe that they are together and they are happy, at peace, and enjoying each other without illness, pain and suffering of any kind. They are watching down on us hoping good things for all of us.
So, with all that said, Happy New Year to all of you and the best that 2009 can bring you.
Maybe one day soon gays and lesbians will no longer have to struggle to just be themselves and live everyday, normal lives just as any other US citizen strives to do. Gay, straight, bi, transgendered, straight, whomever, we all deserve the right to happiness in our lives.
I had a great year in 2008 as far as my depression goes. I actually went a full year without suffering from life altering depression. I learned alot about myself and realized who my real friends are, and how much my family means to me. I love them all very much. As a family we are not perfect and we all have our flaws, but we are family and that means everything to me. I miss my mom and dad but I have to believe that they are together and they are happy, at peace, and enjoying each other without illness, pain and suffering of any kind. They are watching down on us hoping good things for all of us.
So, with all that said, Happy New Year to all of you and the best that 2009 can bring you.
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