Prayers For Bobby.....

I watched the movie Prayers For Bobby, and I was totally blown away. Although we have all heard such stories this one for me really him close to home. My family was never religious in any way but when I was in Jr. High school I was exposed to a pentecostal church through some friends of mine. It was great to just be around kids my own age and to do things together via the youth group each and every week. I felt safe and accpeted there and I really enjoyed it for many years. During that time I was coming to grasp with the fact that I was gay. The conflicts that came within myself during those years was crippling. I knew deep, deep down in my heart and soul that I was not making these feeling ups or neither was I choosing to feel this way. One summer at church camp I even went as far as having the hugest crush on my groups male counselor. Then the conflicts came with the messeges that were being preached to us on a regular basis. Being and feeling as I was, was nothing more than a one way ticket to hell. I spent countless hours praying and crying for these gay feelings to be taken away from me so that I could be normal. You were always hearing in sermons that God answers prayer and if you have enough faith he would then answer prayer. I could not have been any more sincere in my efforts at that age. I remember constant times of thinking of killing myself because that inner battle that was going on in my mind was wearing me out physically and emotionally. Why would God not answer my prayers and heal me of these horrible thoughts of being with other men? It had to have been something that I was doing wrong, or I was not worthy of Gods love and mercy.
Finally, and I am not sure what happened to get me to that point, but I stopped beating myself up about it and just accepted it and gave up the church and my youth group that I loved so much. To this very day I have anger at God and I have a hard time with religion in any means. If there is a God, how could he let SO MANY misdirected youth and young adults wander adrift in doubt about who they are? In that question is where my problems with God lie. I just does not make any sense. The youth and young adults in the world need to be taught that they are special and nothing is wrong with them if they are realizing that they are homosexual. They are worthy of life and much love.