Just some recent thoughts...

Time seems as if it is just speeding by me at warp speed. I have never been so content as I am right now at any other time in my whole entire life. I realize that I do not need a lot of "things" or money to be happy. I wish I had money at times just so I could help all the people who have been so kind and helpful to me during my life. You know the dream. The dream about winning the lottery and all the wonderful things you would be able to do with the money. That is my dream. Doubt it will ever happen, but you never, ever know.
I will be 45 this July 9Th and being gay, 45 and fat is a bit scary, LOL. What does 45 equal in gay years? 119? It sure feels like it at times. I looked in the mirror the other day and was horrified that I saw my father staring back at me. When did I start to look so much like him? When did hair long enough to braid begin to grow from my ears? Someone slow down this time machine.
I so use to be consumed with the fear that I would go throughout my whole entire life and never know what true love is. I can honestly say that I no longer have that fear. I really did change a lot after my last suicide attempt. Learning that just because something does not happen the way you want it to or something is not so easy and causes you a bit of stress, that it is not the end of the world. Nobody ever died from having a bad day. It is all good, and you have to learn from everything that comes across your path in life. We need to learn to help and take care of one another. If I can get through the rest of my life with having learned from all my past mistakes, and able to face life with a different attitude, then I have grown as a person. I love my family and friends so very much and I am thankful for them being a part of my life. I am going to dedicate the rest of my life to doing things for others and bringing some joy to somebody's life.