Childhood Journey
There I was, upon my back in a summers meadow and drinking it all in.
Socks and shoes were off because what could be a bigger contradiction?
I made the motion of snow angles in the grass, gently caressing each blade.
There was no better place to be in the world, and that meadow could take me places.
That innocence that comes with being a child is a passport to unforeseen dreams.
Destinations that only the child’s mind could conjure into reality abound everywhere.
There were times my mother would share these moments, lying by me, side by side.
It was those special moments, her laughter, the way she held my hand, those are mine.
I loved to sing back then and I would put any words to any melody and I was a star.
The love I have for my mother and for her seeds of wisdom is deeper than that meadow sky.
On my way to being whatever I wanted to be, becasue I was allowed to ask why.
The whys became reasons, the reasons became curiosity and the curiousity became me.
I was such a happy child and as I look upon those faces in the crowd I realize.
These people, my parents, my grandparents, great aunts and uncles, they loved me.
Their limitless love and support gave me the limitless boundaries and did I explore.
Their love guided me through the normal ups and downs of the mission of childhood.
No meadow today, however I am sitting in the sun, surrounded by all my peers.
I found each familiar face in the crowd, and I was met with beaming smiles of pride.
I know there are those who are here that I never actually got to meet growing up.
But I can feel their spirit and they too are proud of me and the sun is their love.
Today is just another beginning to another chapter in the book that is my life.
The immense anticipation I feel is excitement and nerves all bound into one.
Just for a moment I let myself be back in that summer’s meadow and there was peace.
I was jolted from my brief daydream by the opening of the door to adulthood.
Welcome
Greetings Everyone!!!
I am starting this blog as a place for Gay men and women to come and read information about a variety of topics and issues. If you would like to be a guest author on my blog, please email me at CarlDinsmore@yahoo.com and tell me why you would like to post something on my blog. This is also a way for people in Cincinnati to get linked to social organizations that maybe they did not know existed. I will work hard on placing all sorts of information on the site, regarding Books, Medical updates, Causes that I deelpy care about, Gay vacation destinations, Gay Sports, and much, much more. Its also just a venue for you to share comments on postings, or share with me a cause or topic I could add to my site.
Last year was a very tough year for me, as I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a form of depression mainly diagnosed in women, but more and more men are being diagnosed with this illness. So, look for information regarding borderline on the blog. Finally having a diagnosis regarding my depression was life saving. Coming through that crisis is what gave me the idea to create this blog.
But my number one goal for this site is the fact that it is time for unity in the gay community. Its time to STOP tearing each other down, but rather to build each other up. We are not all alike. We are different and these differences are what makes our world such a wonderful place to live. Please enjoy the site, and lets unite to make our world the best place it can be.
I am starting this blog as a place for Gay men and women to come and read information about a variety of topics and issues. If you would like to be a guest author on my blog, please email me at CarlDinsmore@yahoo.com and tell me why you would like to post something on my blog. This is also a way for people in Cincinnati to get linked to social organizations that maybe they did not know existed. I will work hard on placing all sorts of information on the site, regarding Books, Medical updates, Causes that I deelpy care about, Gay vacation destinations, Gay Sports, and much, much more. Its also just a venue for you to share comments on postings, or share with me a cause or topic I could add to my site.
Last year was a very tough year for me, as I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a form of depression mainly diagnosed in women, but more and more men are being diagnosed with this illness. So, look for information regarding borderline on the blog. Finally having a diagnosis regarding my depression was life saving. Coming through that crisis is what gave me the idea to create this blog.
But my number one goal for this site is the fact that it is time for unity in the gay community. Its time to STOP tearing each other down, but rather to build each other up. We are not all alike. We are different and these differences are what makes our world such a wonderful place to live. Please enjoy the site, and lets unite to make our world the best place it can be.
My favortie gay related qoute EVER!!!!
If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.
Johann von Goethe
Johann von Goethe
Another great night view of our City!
Cincinnati is simply beautiful....
Friday, May 30, 2008
I have not wrttien a poem in awhile....shame on my laziness to write.
Aidan's Journey
There I was, upon my back in a summers meadow and drinking it all in.
Socks and shoes were off because what could be a bigger contradiction?
I made the motion of snow angles in the grass, gently caressing each blade.
There was no better place to be in the word, and that meadow could take me places.
That innocence that comes with being a child is a passport to unforeseen dreams.
Destinations that only the child’s mind could conjure into reality abound everywhere.
There were times my mother would shares these moments, lying by me, side by side.
It was those special moments, her laughter, the way she held my hand, those are mine.
I loved to sing back then and I would put any words to any melody and I was a star.
The love I have for my mother and for her seeds of wisdom is deeper that that meadow sky.
On my way to being whatever I wanted to be, becasue I was allowed to ask why.
The whys became reasons, the reasons became curiosity and the curiousity became me.
I was such a happy kid and as I look upon those faces in the crown I realize.
These people, my parents, my grandparents, great aunts and uncles, they loved me.
Their limitless love and support gave me the limitless boundaries and did I explore.
Their love guided me through the normal ups and downs of the mission of childhood.
No meadow today, however I am sitting in the sun, surrounded with all my peers.
I found each familiar face in the crowd, and I was met with beaming smiles of pride.
I know there are those who are here that I never actually got to meet growing up.
But I can feel their spirit and they two are proud of me and the sun is their love for me.
Today is just another beginning to another chapter in the book that is my life.
The immense anticipation that I feel is excitement and nerves all bound into one.
Just for a moment I let myself be back in that summer’s meadow and there was peace.
I was jolted from my brief daydream as my name was called, called at my graduation.
There I was, upon my back in a summers meadow and drinking it all in.
Socks and shoes were off because what could be a bigger contradiction?
I made the motion of snow angles in the grass, gently caressing each blade.
There was no better place to be in the word, and that meadow could take me places.
That innocence that comes with being a child is a passport to unforeseen dreams.
Destinations that only the child’s mind could conjure into reality abound everywhere.
There were times my mother would shares these moments, lying by me, side by side.
It was those special moments, her laughter, the way she held my hand, those are mine.
I loved to sing back then and I would put any words to any melody and I was a star.
The love I have for my mother and for her seeds of wisdom is deeper that that meadow sky.
On my way to being whatever I wanted to be, becasue I was allowed to ask why.
The whys became reasons, the reasons became curiosity and the curiousity became me.
I was such a happy kid and as I look upon those faces in the crown I realize.
These people, my parents, my grandparents, great aunts and uncles, they loved me.
Their limitless love and support gave me the limitless boundaries and did I explore.
Their love guided me through the normal ups and downs of the mission of childhood.
No meadow today, however I am sitting in the sun, surrounded with all my peers.
I found each familiar face in the crowd, and I was met with beaming smiles of pride.
I know there are those who are here that I never actually got to meet growing up.
But I can feel their spirit and they two are proud of me and the sun is their love for me.
Today is just another beginning to another chapter in the book that is my life.
The immense anticipation that I feel is excitement and nerves all bound into one.
Just for a moment I let myself be back in that summer’s meadow and there was peace.
I was jolted from my brief daydream as my name was called, called at my graduation.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
I have neglected my postings, I am sorry...
Greetings to everyone. I apologize for being away so long. Its been a hectic few weeks and I have been very busy. I went up to Dayton, Ohio and stayed for three weeks to visit my family. I have not been going up there so much since both my parents passed away. It will be 5 years for my dad this year, and 3 for my mother. I miss them both very much. My two sisters have become close since my mother died and I feel like a bit of an outsider when it comes to them.
Do you know how you are never going to meet the standards that some of your family set for you and you spend a large amount of time to even attempt to meet their expectations. Not sure what I will do in my family relatonships, I mean, I even have family relatonships.
I will make a better effort to stay up on my blog.
Thanks
Carl
Do you know how you are never going to meet the standards that some of your family set for you and you spend a large amount of time to even attempt to meet their expectations. Not sure what I will do in my family relatonships, I mean, I even have family relatonships.
I will make a better effort to stay up on my blog.
Thanks
Carl
Thursday, May 1, 2008
New Featured Artist / Chris Morgan
Chris Morgan
Artist Statement + Biography
I Never went to art college - something I regretted years later. At the time I couldnt wait to leave school, start work and earn some money - that was the plan.
I didnt really give a lot of thought to long term career objectives. Luckily I had a natural talent for art and pursued it as a hobby teaching myself as I went from one unfulfilling job to another.
I was lucky enough to get taken on by a computer graphics company called where I could put my artistic bent to use for the first time. In a very short while I was promoted to head of graphics and over a 5 year period was personally responsible for producing 8,000 images for a number of prestige clients such as The Daily Telegraph and Guy Laroche.
I left Probe Research in order to fulfill a lifelong ambition to work in the field of superhero comics. I set up my own publishing company and we produced 12 different titles a month mainly for the American market. In this country the comics were sold exclusively through Virgin Megastore shops and Hamleys in London. Unfortunately I over - extended myself and the company went into liquidation.
Since then I have diversified into and other media. Including painting over 70 of the hotels in the Bournemouth area where I am now based. Doing murals for restaurants and nightclubs. Running a watercolour portrait business. Plus a mail order art prints company which is a vehicle to sell prints of my paintings that cover every subject from football clubs to wild animals.I also do a range of homoerotic paintings for the gay market
Artist Statement + Biography
I Never went to art college - something I regretted years later. At the time I couldnt wait to leave school, start work and earn some money - that was the plan.
I didnt really give a lot of thought to long term career objectives. Luckily I had a natural talent for art and pursued it as a hobby teaching myself as I went from one unfulfilling job to another.
I was lucky enough to get taken on by a computer graphics company called where I could put my artistic bent to use for the first time. In a very short while I was promoted to head of graphics and over a 5 year period was personally responsible for producing 8,000 images for a number of prestige clients such as The Daily Telegraph and Guy Laroche.
I left Probe Research in order to fulfill a lifelong ambition to work in the field of superhero comics. I set up my own publishing company and we produced 12 different titles a month mainly for the American market. In this country the comics were sold exclusively through Virgin Megastore shops and Hamleys in London. Unfortunately I over - extended myself and the company went into liquidation.
Since then I have diversified into and other media. Including painting over 70 of the hotels in the Bournemouth area where I am now based. Doing murals for restaurants and nightclubs. Running a watercolour portrait business. Plus a mail order art prints company which is a vehicle to sell prints of my paintings that cover every subject from football clubs to wild animals.I also do a range of homoerotic paintings for the gay market
My Latest Poem....
Self Discovery…..
Discovery was the rebirth my soul desperately needed and I drank it in.
Just like the desert smiling up into a summer, midday lengthy rain shower.
To live my life was like reading a book with chapters all out of order.
The day I was given realization was the beginning to a new way of life.
Clarity of mind, along with reasons for behavior eradicates decades of worry.
A seeming eternity of hills and valleys is replaced by serenity and unwavering balance.
Smiles are more frequent, as having a second childhood full of wonder and awe.
I want to climb to the highest peak and shout about hope, aspirations and possibility.
It was if my soul was bound tightly, held prisoner, allowed only to wish of freedom.
All thoughts of liberty wandered around the compass, but always settled upon death.
Loss of life was not the solution and all attempts were met with continued existence.
Beliefs of only an ending were suddenly replaced by views of favorable new beginnings.
I find it difficult to remember the dread once felt as it is replaced by comfort and ease.
Life is a gift, no matter how cliché, and how could I have been so ready for it to cease.
Advocate of living is where my heart is now, and I am testimony to all is possible.
Friends are a necessity for this journey, so do not hesitate to ask for a hand to hold.
Aspire to reach new goals and allow those old thoughts of despair to die in the dust.
Each and every day is an opportunity for new experiences and uncovering lost joys.
Live life relentless and no matter if there is sun or rain, enjoy the day with appreciation.
Discovery was the rebirth my soul desperately needed and I drank it in.
Discovery was the rebirth my soul desperately needed and I drank it in.
Just like the desert smiling up into a summer, midday lengthy rain shower.
To live my life was like reading a book with chapters all out of order.
The day I was given realization was the beginning to a new way of life.
Clarity of mind, along with reasons for behavior eradicates decades of worry.
A seeming eternity of hills and valleys is replaced by serenity and unwavering balance.
Smiles are more frequent, as having a second childhood full of wonder and awe.
I want to climb to the highest peak and shout about hope, aspirations and possibility.
It was if my soul was bound tightly, held prisoner, allowed only to wish of freedom.
All thoughts of liberty wandered around the compass, but always settled upon death.
Loss of life was not the solution and all attempts were met with continued existence.
Beliefs of only an ending were suddenly replaced by views of favorable new beginnings.
I find it difficult to remember the dread once felt as it is replaced by comfort and ease.
Life is a gift, no matter how cliché, and how could I have been so ready for it to cease.
Advocate of living is where my heart is now, and I am testimony to all is possible.
Friends are a necessity for this journey, so do not hesitate to ask for a hand to hold.
Aspire to reach new goals and allow those old thoughts of despair to die in the dust.
Each and every day is an opportunity for new experiences and uncovering lost joys.
Live life relentless and no matter if there is sun or rain, enjoy the day with appreciation.
Discovery was the rebirth my soul desperately needed and I drank it in.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
An Overview of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy in the Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder
I have stated in several posts before that last year, during a hospitalization for a suicide attempt, I was finally diagnosed with Borderline Peronality Disorder.
The latest treatment that is used in working with BPD is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. By clicking on the title of this post you will be taken to a website that talks about DBT.
If you or a loved one has BPD, or you suspect someone may have BPD I highly recommend that you use this site to get all the information you can about this treatment.
For more information on Borderline Personality Disorder please visit http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/FAQ.shtml. This is the National Educational Alliance For Borderline Personality Disorder.
There is hope.
The latest treatment that is used in working with BPD is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. By clicking on the title of this post you will be taken to a website that talks about DBT.
If you or a loved one has BPD, or you suspect someone may have BPD I highly recommend that you use this site to get all the information you can about this treatment.
For more information on Borderline Personality Disorder please visit http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/FAQ.shtml. This is the National Educational Alliance For Borderline Personality Disorder.
There is hope.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Latest news on War and depression...
**** The following article is posted on www.nami.org. For tons of information and resources regarding mental health issues, click on the title of this post and you will be taken to the NAMI website.
Wounds of War
April 18, 2008
A report released yesterday by the Rand Corporation titled "Invisible Wounds of War" says that 1 in 5 soldiers, almost 300,000, who have fought in Iraq or Afghanistan have major depression or post traumatic stress disorder.
The economic cost-- including medical care, lost productivity and lost lives through suicide -- is estimated at $4 billion to $6 billion over two years, according to the Washington Post .
The 500-page report, titled "Invisible Wounds of War," says prolonged and repeated exposure to combat stress is causing a disproportionately high psychological toll compared with physical injuries. It warns of "long-term, cascading consequences" for the nation -- ranging from a greater likelihood of drug use and suicide to increased marital problems and unemployment -- if the mental health problems are left untreated.
The survey of 1,965 service members (currently serving and veterans) from across the country also reveals that only about half of those experiencing mental illnesses have sought treatment. Even fewer who have suffered head trauma have seen a doctor.
The report is the first one done outside of the government, and according to Army Surgeon General Eric Schoomaker in a New York Times article, it was welcome.
The report is not much different from numbers from studies inside of the government, but officials say it could help distinguish the stigma of mental illness in military culture and encourage change that is much needed.
Wounds of War
April 18, 2008
A report released yesterday by the Rand Corporation titled "Invisible Wounds of War" says that 1 in 5 soldiers, almost 300,000, who have fought in Iraq or Afghanistan have major depression or post traumatic stress disorder.
The economic cost-- including medical care, lost productivity and lost lives through suicide -- is estimated at $4 billion to $6 billion over two years, according to the Washington Post .
The 500-page report, titled "Invisible Wounds of War," says prolonged and repeated exposure to combat stress is causing a disproportionately high psychological toll compared with physical injuries. It warns of "long-term, cascading consequences" for the nation -- ranging from a greater likelihood of drug use and suicide to increased marital problems and unemployment -- if the mental health problems are left untreated.
The survey of 1,965 service members (currently serving and veterans) from across the country also reveals that only about half of those experiencing mental illnesses have sought treatment. Even fewer who have suffered head trauma have seen a doctor.
The report is the first one done outside of the government, and according to Army Surgeon General Eric Schoomaker in a New York Times article, it was welcome.
The report is not much different from numbers from studies inside of the government, but officials say it could help distinguish the stigma of mental illness in military culture and encourage change that is much needed.
Year Anniversary...
Hello everyone...
Well, I am coming on the year anniversary since I attempted suicide and was hospitalized for the entire rest of 2007. It is amazing how different life is for me now, finally.
I just want to stress to anyone who is fighting any type of depression to not give up, as hard as it may be, and to seek out help. Click on the title of this post to be taken to http:/nami.org/ and get plenty of information and resources regarding mental illnesses. As I have posted earlier, NAMI stands for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. After fighting depression the majority of my life, I was finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. After hitting rock bottom last year and now with therapy and the appropraite medication, life is incrediable.
We have to be willing to talk openly about depression and mental illness. I use to feel the shame as well, but I can now talk about it without hesitation. It is not an easy thing to confront for everyone, but we need to try. If you know someone who fights with depression do not be afraid to talk to them about it. Many people, including those who are suffering, act as if it does not exist and just ignore it. Trust me it will find away to try and work its way to the surface.
If you have any questions feel free to email me. There is always hope....
Well, I am coming on the year anniversary since I attempted suicide and was hospitalized for the entire rest of 2007. It is amazing how different life is for me now, finally.
I just want to stress to anyone who is fighting any type of depression to not give up, as hard as it may be, and to seek out help. Click on the title of this post to be taken to http:/nami.org/ and get plenty of information and resources regarding mental illnesses. As I have posted earlier, NAMI stands for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. After fighting depression the majority of my life, I was finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. After hitting rock bottom last year and now with therapy and the appropraite medication, life is incrediable.
We have to be willing to talk openly about depression and mental illness. I use to feel the shame as well, but I can now talk about it without hesitation. It is not an easy thing to confront for everyone, but we need to try. If you know someone who fights with depression do not be afraid to talk to them about it. Many people, including those who are suffering, act as if it does not exist and just ignore it. Trust me it will find away to try and work its way to the surface.
If you have any questions feel free to email me. There is always hope....
Monday, April 21, 2008
TOP 20 Companies that made profits in 2007
*** Fortune 500 lists these as the top 20 profitable companies in the US that made profits during 2007....FUNNY how #'s 2,3 and 5 are gas companies. Anyone else think that we have been getting ROYALY screwed??
1. Wal-Mart Stores
2. Exxon Mobil
3. Chevron
4. General Motors
5. ConocoPhillips
6. General Electric
7. Ford Motor
8. Citigroup
9. Bank of America Corp.
10. AT&T 11. Berkshire Hathaway
12. J.P. Morgan Chase & Co.
13. American International Group
14. Hewlett-Packard
15. International Business Machines
16. Valero Energy
17. Verizon Communications
18. McKesson
19. Cardinal Health
20. Goldman Sachs Group
1. Wal-Mart Stores
2. Exxon Mobil
3. Chevron
4. General Motors
5. ConocoPhillips
6. General Electric
7. Ford Motor
8. Citigroup
9. Bank of America Corp.
10. AT&T 11. Berkshire Hathaway
12. J.P. Morgan Chase & Co.
13. American International Group
14. Hewlett-Packard
15. International Business Machines
16. Valero Energy
17. Verizon Communications
18. McKesson
19. Cardinal Health
20. Goldman Sachs Group
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