Letter to myself....

Dear Self:

I think it is time for me to write this letter to myself. Oprah is always saying when you write things down you give them power, and they become real. I have made a ton of mistakes in my life and I wish I could take them all back, but at the same time I would still want to have the memory of what I learned from those mistakes.

It would not be right by any stretch of the imagination to blame all your mistakes on your Borderline Personality Disorder ( Depression ). You have made some whopper of mistakes and at times those mistakes affected other people and you ruined great relationships and friendships. I Know you love people and you are loyal, but there have been too many times you have stretched the truth. You would rationalize doing that because you would be trying to buy time so that you would have more time to make something right. You need to realize there is never a good reason to, and lets not sugar coat it by saying stretch the truth, lie. If you can grow more in any area of your life is to live more honestly. Starting with yourself.

You are never going to be happy until you lose weight. Do not hide behind the thought that you need to lose it to be accepted by others, or be attractive and maybe losing the weight will cause someone to be interested in you physically. As cliche' as it is, nobody is going to be able to love you until you are able to love yourself. You do still hold onto self hate in some areas of how you look at yourself. Stop thinking about all you need to do and just do it!!! Jesus, stop making excuses. You are going to be 44 this year and you still have allot of life to live. Now is when you have to turn it around and start living life for a better good.

I have to mention some incredible people I have been blessed enough to meet in my life and they are the sort of people I wish I could be, and with some work, starting today, maybe I can work towards being more like them. Thank you to these people for being my friends, helping me at times ( many times ), putting up with me through the depression, visiting me while I was in the mental hospital.

Self, if you can manage to keep these people around you and in your life, and be honest with them, then you can do anything you want to in life. Honesty starts with yourself. You can not look for it from anyone else but you. Take that look hard look, and lets get on the road to the second half of your life being a happy one. It is time to take control and stop making excuses.

Love,

YOURSELF