Welcome

Greetings Everyone!!!
I am starting this blog as a place for Gay men and women to come and read information about a variety of topics and issues. If you would like to be a guest author on my blog, please email me at CarlDinsmore@yahoo.com and tell me why you would like to post something on my blog. This is also a way for people in Cincinnati to get linked to social organizations that maybe they did not know existed. I will work hard on placing all sorts of information on the site, regarding Books, Medical updates, Causes that I deelpy care about, Gay vacation destinations, Gay Sports, and much, much more. Its also just a venue for you to share comments on postings, or share with me a cause or topic I could add to my site.
Last year was a very tough year for me, as I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is a form of depression mainly diagnosed in women, but more and more men are being diagnosed with this illness. So, look for information regarding borderline on the blog. Finally having a diagnosis regarding my depression was life saving. Coming through that crisis is what gave me the idea to create this blog.
But my number one goal for this site is the fact that it is time for unity in the gay community. Its time to STOP tearing each other down, but rather to build each other up. We are not all alike. We are different and these differences are what makes our world such a wonderful place to live. Please enjoy the site, and lets unite to make our world the best place it can be.

My favortie gay related qoute EVER!!!!

If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.


Johann von Goethe

Another great night view of our City!

Another great night view of our City!
Cincinnati is simply beautiful....

News source for Cincinnati Gay and Lesbian community.

News source for Cincinnati Gay and Lesbian community.
The Greater Cincinnati Gay and Lesbian News!

Cincinnati's Freestore Foodbank

Cincinnati's Freestore Foodbank
Help this organization help those in need!

Cincinnatis Premier Gay & Lesbian Softball League

Cincinnatis Premier Gay & Lesbian Softball League
PLAY BALL!!!!!

Cincinnati's Gay & Lesbian Golf League

Cincinnati's Gay & Lesbian Golf League
FORE!!!!!!!

Cincinnati's Gay and Lesbian Volleyball Connection.

Cincinnati's Gay and Lesbian Volleyball Connection.
DIG, SET, SPIKE!!!

Cincinnati Rainbow Pride Tennis League

Cincinnati Rainbow Pride Tennis League
Cincinnatis Gay & Lesbian Tennis League

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

An Overview of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy in the Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder

I have stated in several posts before that last year, during a hospitalization for a suicide attempt, I was finally diagnosed with Borderline Peronality Disorder.

The latest treatment that is used in working with BPD is called Dialectical Behavior Therapy. By clicking on the title of this post you will be taken to a website that talks about DBT.

If you or a loved one has BPD, or you suspect someone may have BPD I highly recommend that you use this site to get all the information you can about this treatment.

For more information on Borderline Personality Disorder please visit http://www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/FAQ.shtml. This is the National Educational Alliance For Borderline Personality Disorder.

There is hope.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Latest news on War and depression...

**** The following article is posted on www.nami.org. For tons of information and resources regarding mental health issues, click on the title of this post and you will be taken to the NAMI website.



Wounds of War
April 18, 2008

A report released yesterday by the Rand Corporation titled "Invisible Wounds of War" says that 1 in 5 soldiers, almost 300,000, who have fought in Iraq or Afghanistan have major depression or post traumatic stress disorder.

The economic cost-- including medical care, lost productivity and lost lives through suicide -- is estimated at $4 billion to $6 billion over two years, according to the Washington Post .

The 500-page report, titled "Invisible Wounds of War," says prolonged and repeated exposure to combat stress is causing a disproportionately high psychological toll compared with physical injuries. It warns of "long-term, cascading consequences" for the nation -- ranging from a greater likelihood of drug use and suicide to increased marital problems and unemployment -- if the mental health problems are left untreated.

The survey of 1,965 service members (currently serving and veterans) from across the country also reveals that only about half of those experiencing mental illnesses have sought treatment. Even fewer who have suffered head trauma have seen a doctor.

The report is the first one done outside of the government, and according to Army Surgeon General Eric Schoomaker in a New York Times article, it was welcome.

The report is not much different from numbers from studies inside of the government, but officials say it could help distinguish the stigma of mental illness in military culture and encourage change that is much needed.

Year Anniversary...

Hello everyone...

Well, I am coming on the year anniversary since I attempted suicide and was hospitalized for the entire rest of 2007. It is amazing how different life is for me now, finally.

I just want to stress to anyone who is fighting any type of depression to not give up, as hard as it may be, and to seek out help. Click on the title of this post to be taken to http:/nami.org/ and get plenty of information and resources regarding mental illnesses. As I have posted earlier, NAMI stands for the National Alliance on Mental Illness. After fighting depression the majority of my life, I was finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. After hitting rock bottom last year and now with therapy and the appropraite medication, life is incrediable.

We have to be willing to talk openly about depression and mental illness. I use to feel the shame as well, but I can now talk about it without hesitation. It is not an easy thing to confront for everyone, but we need to try. If you know someone who fights with depression do not be afraid to talk to them about it. Many people, including those who are suffering, act as if it does not exist and just ignore it. Trust me it will find away to try and work its way to the surface.

If you have any questions feel free to email me. There is always hope....

Monday, April 21, 2008

TOP 20 Companies that made profits in 2007

*** Fortune 500 lists these as the top 20 profitable companies in the US that made profits during 2007....FUNNY how #'s 2,3 and 5 are gas companies. Anyone else think that we have been getting ROYALY screwed??

1. Wal-Mart Stores
2. Exxon Mobil
3. Chevron
4. General Motors
5. ConocoPhillips
6. General Electric
7. Ford Motor
8. Citigroup
9. Bank of America Corp.
10. AT&T 11. Berkshire Hathaway
12. J.P. Morgan Chase & Co.
13. American International Group
14. Hewlett-Packard
15. International Business Machines
16. Valero Energy
17. Verizon Communications
18. McKesson
19. Cardinal Health
20. Goldman Sachs Group

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Thoughts on Love....

Is the topic of love one that has so many definitions as what it means to people.
My number one fear in my life is that I will die, never knowing what true love feels like. I want to know the love that my parents had for almost 55 years. The way it feels like you are so content being with the most wonderful person in the world.

Why are gays and lesbians infamous for jumping into relationships hard, and soon? I mean we know a couple who met on a Friday and moved in together my next Friday. Whats up with that? I personally think that it goes back that fear of being alone.

I will be 44 this year and it scares me a bit. 44 years old, gay, chubby, hairy, not wealthy, blah blah blah. Its like being 60 yrs old in gay years! Many men my age are on the constant look out for younger, more attractive men. In theroy I think its a way they are trying to stay young.

And what is the deal with these " open " relationships fella's? I do not understand two men in a relationship that claim to be happy in their open relationship. Are you kidding me? How can we look at this as ok for the gay relationship. If someone enjoyes the open relationship scene that much, then they need to take a long hard look at what they are not getting at home.

I just want to feel and experience real love just once before I die.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Some Thoughts...

Hello Everyone..

Its been awhile since my last posts. I have been a bit busy, but I have been watching some TV and hearing the latest news on a few topics.

Whats up with this sect / cult down in Texas? Are you kidding me? Where are the men? Why are the fathers of these children and the husbands of these women not on Good Morning America or Larry King Live? Polygamy is illegal.?.?.? So...what is the problem? Why are there not legal issues arising alone for these people? I heard on Nancy Grace that these women are listed as single, unmarried women and they are getting welfare. Can you imagine the amount of money flowing through the gates of that compound? I am just sick thinking about how mistreated these young women who are forced to get married to me much older than they are, and then to become pregnant and keep the lines going.

Clinton vs. Obama. What scares me on this one is the simple fact that his race is carrying him through on so many levels. If you do not think that is the case, you need to take off the blinders and see the whole picture. He has no experience in being the President of the United States. During the debate last night, Clinton has specific plans regarding topics on issue and Obama just kind of tap danced around in his answers. I am also worried that when the smoke clears at the end of this primaries, the Democratic Presidential Candidate is going to be so beaten and bloodied that they will not be able to wage a good fight against McCain. The Democratic party needs to really come together and think of a way to heal from this battle.

Just some thoughts....

Been awhile...Latest Poem...

Making Noise…


It happens without any announcement, preface or awakening.
I have to believe that it was there from my first breath.
Manifesting itself with every occurrence encountered.
It lurks beneath the surface the whole entire time.

What stirs depression from its dark, murky dungeon?
People are constantly drowning in feelings of not being good enough.
Emotions are stirred by personal thoughts of unhappiness and dread.
It has become a very tough foe and is more difficult to defeat than most know.

When you are at your weakest time your soul begins to give up the fight.
Withdrawing deep within you is the safest place to go at most times.
Friends will try to pull you out of the dark but you are not sure what the dark is.
Your systems being to shut down and you become totally lost in the pain.

Depression cages you, and it is like being trapped in a clear box.
You can hear all around you, but you can not respond through the walls of the box.
The internal screams of wanting to break free are deafening inside your head.
I begin to attempt to see what makes up these walls, what they are made of.

It is as if you are swimming from fathoms beneath the sea, trying to break the surface.
Seeing the light of day is hope but no guarantee your life is changing.
Confusion caused by years of suffocating in the unknown brings secrecy.
People close to you know something is wrong; you can not hide this demon.

Some never conquer and win this war, others find a way to confront and live.
It takes the support of all those around you and steadfast strong beliefs.
Acceptance of its existence and the willingness to talk about everything is a start.
The way you shatter the silence it causes it by making all the noise you can.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

New Gay Artist to feature....Eugene Fredrik Jansson

Eugene Fredrik Jansson
Jansson was a cursed painter as his works were rejected by his contemporaries and were mostly unknown abroad.
Born into a modest Stockholm family, Jansson suffered from a heart disease and suffered at 13 from a bout of scarlet fever which left him almost deaf and affected with kidney problems.
He studied painting at the Stockholm Academy of Fine Arts but soon rejected academism

He was however supported by King Olaf II and Ernest Thiel, a banker, whose purchases enabled him to live almost comfortably but such patronage stirred antagonisms in official circles against him.
Jansson, who proclaimed himself a socialist and a homosexual, was thus the target of many critics, who also lashed their fury at Edvard Munch, until his death at 53.

Jansson had much in common with Munch, especially at the start of his career and notably when he painted seaside scenes or sombre houses in dunes or wastelands. But, contrary to Munch, he also painted many nocturnal scenes scratching colours on the canvas and then applying them again to show the reflection of the moon, the lights of gas-lamps with incredible intensity.

Jansson achieved incredible results with these scenes though they were simply defined and some of his works have the same effect of the stars in the sky which Van Gogh painted in Arles.
After 1904, Jansson gave up the representation of landscapes and nocturnal scenes and painted a self-portrait and male nudes in defying postures. He also painted himself in a white suit among nude sailors exhibiting their muscular bodies. Such sort of painting was utterly shocking in the eyes of his contemporaries and is still considered as such as the Swedish authors of the exhibition catalogue seem been quite evasive about his homosexuality, which in fact was the main subject of his ouvre then.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Latest Poem...

Living Life Out Loud……



Self discovery is all but impossible when one is blind.
Finding your way is not easy when your world is deaf.
Feeling incomplete abounds knowing you can not touch love.
Emptiness echoes aloud as you scream to taste a special kiss.

To identify the smallest part of your intellect is being successful.
Only with it can you have an opportunity to reach your goals.
Sensory input is needed to completely understand a person’s character.
This is most true when you are seeking passage on a voyage to find yourself.

Stumbling so many times searching, you begin to lose all sense of balance.
What, if anything, is the cure all for a life that has seemed so meaningless?
Is anyone ever standing on the mountain top looking down at completion?
Understanding that even in death possibly, that no one reaches a sense of closure.

Possibly what we seek lies in future lives and there only can we achieve identity.
Could it be that until we find true love we are destined to wander through time?
The key on life’s map is trapped because the directions are constantly changing.
Maybe our vast amounts of imperfections are the just cause we never stop seeking.

Depression could be a direct connection making those who are able to understand.
To understand that it takes an insane amount of lifetimes to live is itself sanity.
Not knowing that things are missing from your life is a preface to your next life.
Live your life aloud, speak freely about your feelings and know nobody is perfect.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

My latest poem, and I think my new favorite!

Can This Ever Happen To Me?


Sitting on the front porch on a rainy Sunday,
Rain is falling off the roof in clear sheets of water.
Humming whatever song matches the rhythm of the rain.
Kind of day magic can happen, ones filled with daydreams and raindrops.

Staring hard down the drive I managed to dream up a nice thought.
Barefoot, jeans and t-shirt and the love of my life’s hand tightly in mine.
My gaze goes from our hands and travels up to your azure, loving eyes.
Then in an instant I am back on the porch and that image of love evaporates.

The rain shows no sign of letting up. The sky looks like my spirit has felt for ages.
All grey, lifeless, dreary but simply in need for someone to chase away the dread.
I pray daily not to be stuck in this current thing called my life, my existence.
Motivating me to be the image walking with my love is tough to believe in.

My heart is so unfilled that all it can do is be host to dead dreams and lost loves.
Compassion in abundance is just sitting idle, waiting to be showered on someone.
Patience is a virtue, so they say. Patience equals time, and I am tired of waiting.
I want to believe that everyone finds love, true, shake you to your core love.

The sun is getting ready for its slumber and as it does the day’s first blue peaks through.
Sitting there on the porch still, chin resting on my knees my thoughts drift toward God.
If there is a God, why would he create some of us to never experience the gift of love?
Not simple love but complicated love that comes from your soul and enters another.

Being able to see the exquisite deep red and orange sun setting on this day brought hope.
How could something as beautiful as this sunset, much like love, not be intended to share?
Somewhere in this world, for me to find or for it to find me is a deep true love.
I do not think you have to look hard for it, it will come and you will find your sunset.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Lyrics to Seasons of Love from the Musical Rent

I think you can tell from previous posts, that songs come along that really touch a deep part of me. I have always loved this song, so I decided to really take a look at the lyrics. They are simply amazing. Music is power and lyrics, when they are the right ones, can add so much.

ALL:
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Moments so dear
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure - Measure A Year?
In Daylights - In Sunsets
In Midnights - In Cups Of Coffee
In Inches - In Miles
In Laughter - In Strife

In - Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure
A Year In The Life?

How About Love?
How About Love?
How About Love?
Measure In Love

Seasons of Love.
Seasons of Love.

Joanne:
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Journeys To Plan

Five Hundred Twenty-Five Thousand
Six Hundred Minutes
How Do You Measure The Life
Of A Woman Or A Man?

Collins:
In Truths That She Learned
Or In Times That He Cried
In Bridges He Burned
Or The Way That She Died

All:
It's Time Now - To Sing Out
Though The Story Never Ends
Let's Celebrate
Remember A Year In The Life Of Friends

Remember the Love
Remember the Love
Remember the Love
Measure In Love

Joanne:
Oh you got to remember the love,
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love, spread love
Measure, measure your life in love.


ALL
Seasons Of Love
Measure Your Life In Love